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FOR
MEN
What
are my options?
Your
girlfriend is pregnant. After the shock wears off, you
may begin thinking about what you should do; what your
alternatives and responsibilities are as a boyfriend
and prospective father. Society will tell you that because
it is a woman's body, she should decide. But she needs
to hear you say that you are there and will walk with
her through this and consider these options together.
OPTIONS
TO CONSIDER:
A.
Agree to help parent the child
Taking
responsibility for your actions and providing support
for your child is a noble and commendable action. This
choice takes into consideration what is in the best
interest of the child, when the decision has not yet
been made to marry your girlfriend.
B.
Marry, and raise the child together
The
most loving act that you can do for your child is to
commit to his/her mother. Commitment to each other,
wanting to be a family and working together, is the
best option in these circumstances. Every child has
the right to a have both a father and mother in the
home. If your child could choose, he or she would choose
you to have you there with them.
C.
Place the baby in temporary foster care
When
you just don't "have it together" yet, but
you want to the right do thing, placing your child in
temporary foster care might give you time to put the
framework for parenting your child into place. This
choice is one that considers the care of your girlfriend,
your child, as well as yourself. When a final decision
has been made, you can continue the process without
the pressure you experience initially.
D.
Help to place the baby for adoption
Adoption
is a loving, unselfish choice. Depending on the circumstances
involved, this difficult decision may be the best one
for your baby. Your girlfriend may decide that this
option is what she wants for the baby but you feel you
might be abandoning your baby. Think again. Adoption
is making a plan for your child that will give it the
future you may not be able to provide.
Adoption
has changed for the good. Adoption agencies and attorneys
thoroughly screen adopting families. Open adoption allows
you to choose the amount of communication you have with
your child. You can also receive pictures, if you want.
You can register with the state so that your child can
find you when he/she turns 18. What would you say to
your child when he/she finds you? You have 18 years
to think abut this, but you might begin with, "Your
mother and I loved you and chose to give you a chance
at a wonderful life."
E.
Abandon the woman
You
could abandon your girlfriend, though this is not an
honorable decision. You may feel that you have an education
to think about or that you want to see the world. Will
you be proud of this decision in five or ten years down
the road?
Our
actions have consequences. Have you ever felt abandoned
during a difficult time in your life? Your girlfriend
and your baby need you now. Whether you want your baby
or not, whether you love your girlfriend or not, you
are still a father. Maybe your father was not there
for you. You could break this pattern of abandonment.
F.
Abort the baby
This
option carries traumatic consequences, not only for
the baby, but also for the mother and father. This may
seem to be an option that hides the fact that your girlfriend
is pregnant. You may think that the "problem is
gone." However, evidence-based research has shown
that many men and women suffer traumatic consequences
called post abortion trauma.
They are filled with guilt and shame, regretting the
choice they made.
Society
will tell you that this life is just a piece of tissue
and this "simple" procedure will eliminate
all your problems. It is not quite that easy. Your child
is a life. It is not an extension of your girlfriend's
body.
Life
happens. Mistakes are made. We have to live with our
mistakes.
A helpful thought worthy of your consideration:
Which
option do you wish your parents would have made for
you?
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